After deciding that the ego is quite natural and that destroying it is pure barbarity, I wondered what it's illness is. How can I define the destructive selfishness?
For me, selfishness is the tendency to unnecessarily focus on Me Here Now.
Focusing on Me : it is about taking care of one's own ego only. In the best-case scenario we tend to neglect the other ones. In the worst-case scenario we are ready to sacrifice others to reach our goals. It is natural to satisfy our ego, but when the others are not taken into account, this can only lead to isolation, however comfortable it may be. It also often breeds violence because egos are not willing to let themselves be crushed without resistance. Everyone has the right to live and unfold. Impeding ourselves mutually can't take us very far. It is easier to blossom in peace than in conflict.
Focusing on Here : satisfying one's ego and that of others, how well-intentioned, but hell is paved with good intentions. Superficial satisfaction can sometimes exhaust us in vain, conceal unsuspected injuries or cause deep damages. We'd better assess the extent of our decisions to avoid unwanted side effects. Before satisfying the desires and needs that we have before our eyes, it may be useful to try to identify the likely consequences. It is more useful to examine the wants and needs to eventually find out what underlies them, to act on the root and thus prevent predictable suffering or going astray.
Focusing on Now : we have a past and a future. So it is better to satisfy our ego in a consistent way over time. It is harmful to only act in response to the past or to ignore it as if it has never existed. We make decisions in the present, we act in the present, but what we are today depends on what happened yesterday. To do us good in the present, it is better to take into account what happened. On the other hand, taking only short-term decisions can cause instability, failure, exhaustion and disillusionment. Our life is a structured construction. This requires planning, anticipation. This does not preclude the occasional spontaneity. We just need to let it occur appropriately, just like a work of visionary art stylishly decorates a carefully designed house.
It seems to me that Me Now Here is a starting point. It is the zero point of a 3 dimensional graph which axes are ego, situation and time. We return to the starting point when special circumstances require us to do so. When our integrity is threatened, all our forces concentrate on Me Here Now to rescue our existence. When Me Here Now becomes a permanent state then we are in survival mode, we cope instead of thriving, we control the damages instead of building, we do what we can instead doing our best, we deal instead of unfolding, we survive instead of living.
We can sometimes decide to focus on Me Here Now, in order to meditate or to relax for instance. This remains punctual. This voluntary mastered return to the zero point enables to better design the expansion of the ego along the 3 axes. I focus on Me Here Now to see what I can do for myself and for others, to understand what I really need, to evolve in a smooth and sustainable way.
When Me Here Now is reckless, it makes the ego sick, it makes it selfish. When used wisely, it allows the ego to become fruitful and to feed the world.